today makes 3 years of blogging
I think I completely missed my anniversary last year, it happens lol
but here we are, reading my 79th post. what a wow
Continue reading “self-“today makes 3 years of blogging
I think I completely missed my anniversary last year, it happens lol
but here we are, reading my 79th post. what a wow
Continue reading “self-“some destroy, I create
I got angsty so I tweezed my eyebrows, made eyeliner out of eyeshadow, and tried a new lip look
the eyeliner especially, I had to wreck the plates to get enough color
sometimes creation takes destruction
the destruction I feel pushes me to create
rather than continue
and sometimes in the creating
I get to destroy
but in a safe way
a necessary way
a benevolent way
that’s different from the destruction driving me
I must prefer my way, I turn to it so often
8.2.2020
–
the past, the past
don’t I want to look forward?
move on?
what’s there for me?
I’ve already lived that life
I went after my hopes, and now I’m here
going back won’t change that
time has passed
things have changed
what do I want now?
who am I?
new goals, new rules, new hopes + dreams
take note, but leave the rest behind
rest
recognize
you are not your past, and you’re not stuck there either
–
I want love
I don’t know where it’ll come from, and that’s okay
doesn’t matter where I’ve searched before
what matters is what I want
love
connection, intimacy, safety
I know this
I know I want a house, full of decorations, and full of yes,
love
I don’t know where it’ll be, the exact layout, the blueprint
doesn’t matter
what matters is what I want
a career
I don’t know what it is that I’ll be doing everyday, what my job will want from me, what my hobbies will want from me
doesn’t matter
what matters is what I want
–
there’s nothing wrong with wanting these things, I don’t think
a heart is meant to have desires
and I know I’ll end up somewhere
but it won’t be by chance
I won’t get there without putting in the work
can I control the outcome? no, never
doesn’t matter
what matters is what I want
7.24.2020
personally, I like “to do” lists
check boxes and color codes and deadlines, all of that grabs my attention
but alas, just making the the list won’t do
neither will ripping it up
you have to put in the work
Continue reading “what are you attracted to?”I know I’ve been posting on Sundays, but this week, we make an exception
because today is my birthday (seriously thanking God for another year of life)
plus, I have a surprise for y’all
Continue reading “xxii”