–
the past, the past
don’t I want to look forward?
move on?
what’s there for me?
I’ve already lived that life
I went after my hopes, and now I’m here
going back won’t change that
time has passed
things have changed
what do I want now?
who am I?
new goals, new rules, new hopes + dreams
take note, but leave the rest behind
rest
recognize
you are not your past, and you’re not stuck there either
–
I want love
I don’t know where it’ll come from, and that’s okay
doesn’t matter where I’ve searched before
what matters is what I want
love
connection, intimacy, safety
I know this
I know I want a house, full of decorations, and full of yes,
love
I don’t know where it’ll be, the exact layout, the blueprint
doesn’t matter
what matters is what I want
a career
I don’t know what it is that I’ll be doing everyday, what my job will want from me, what my hobbies will want from me
doesn’t matter
what matters is what I want
–
there’s nothing wrong with wanting these things, I don’t think
a heart is meant to have desires
and I know I’ll end up somewhere
but it won’t be by chance
I won’t get there without putting in the work
can I control the outcome? no, never
doesn’t matter
what matters is what I want
7.24.2020