re-thinking out loud

“this piece is inspired by a conversation that I had with my dear friend Mordecai

I’m probably picking and choosing and paraphrasing for poetic purposes, but he said that I make more sense when I’m on stage than I do in my day to day life

in my defense, I was very tired, so most of my mind was on the nap I was gonna take the next day

but what he said got me thinking

and I already think a lot

I seem really calm and collected right now because I sat down at 1:54 am monday morning (which should count as sunday night, in my opinion), and dumped a bunch of my thoughts on paper where I could see them

me being on stage is just me re-thinking out loud, which is why it used to be so scary

around this time last year, I was up here for the first time, re-thinking my thoughts

one of the pieces I performed was about what I do when my thoughts get too loud, which is poet for “what I do when I have a panic attack”

and now I’m back, feeling calm and collected because I have my thoughts written out

but I don’t really know what this piece is about Continue reading “re-thinking out loud”

5.3.17

this is how i think when things get too loud

think of trains of thought as long sentences, run-on sentences

there’s no track to follow so they run as they please, sometimes they collide, that’s an epiphany

but when things get too loud, it’s like clouds start to roll in

they build a wall between me and my trains, they keep them somewhere in my brain i can never reach

they’re storm clouds, big and gray but i watch anyway, i love cloud watching

i love silence

they bring silence

but as i lay on my blanket in the grass with my white noise playing softly through my stereo and i enjoy my silence, my trains keep running without me

sometimes the clouds will break and a word or two will poke through, but it’s never enough for me to follow and i instantly feel swallowed up by the emptiness

by the silence

and then it rains

all my anger and pain and hopes and dreams and cries and screams and tears come crashing down like rain, and it surrounds me

drowns me

whisks me away

and i wait forty days and forty nights for the rain to stop, time is relative when You’re God, but it’s only in the rain that i hear His voice

i have no choice

He’s my silence when things get too loud

 

5.3.17