freedom

on to the next

the next page

the next stage

it’s like having your hair in braids for months,

it’s constrained but protected, and you can feel the new growth coming in

those lil baby curls

you play with them when you’re stressed, 

daydreaming about how big your fro will be when you can finally free yourself from those chains

braids

sometimes you need help to get through them all, sometimes you have to cut them short before you start

sometimes, sometimes, everything’s so conditional

but freedom is delicious

a process, but delightful

the braids come out, but there’s still the gunk that built up at the roots

the chains come off, but there’s still the dents that dug in at your wrists

you need clarity

look at reality

look at it, really

the gunk

the dents

this is where you were before you were free

(completely unrelated, but I am so happy)

(I never write happy poems)

don’t let it scare you

you’re free now

so clarify, wash the gunk out of your roots

massage your wrists, smooth the dents out

then play with your curls

yes, use your hands

your freedom

you’re at the next stage

on the next page

on to the next

4.1.19

Continue reading “freedom”

my little black foot

my black foot

my little black foot

I think it’s too small for my body

I’m pretty tall, and it’s pretty small

I’m pretty

 

my little black foot

being black is so weird

so little that does so much

I didn’t even ask to be black

I’m not complaining, not right now, but it’s so little

 

my little black foot

blacker in some places than others

and my sole is so light

my soul

 

my little black foot

with its badly painted toes

I hate when my toes aren’t perfect, when I’m not perfect

the color is cute, a shimmering pink layered over mauve, or taupe, I’m not sure

really really cute, just kinda smudged from my socks

I love my socks

socks suck though, just look at the toes on my little black foot

 

little foot, little toes

even my nose is little

my hands too

I’m just taking inventory at this point, all because of my little black foot

 

with the Birkenstock tan

I told myself I’d never get Birks

but then I did, and now I love them

they’re comfy, and they look really cute on my little black foot

especially when my toes are perfect

but even when they’re not, the Birks are still comfy

and for that I’m thankful

for my Birks

and for my little black foot

 

6.17.19, 8:17pm

fools, Gold

“I can show you the world”

and that’s about it, hun

 

show me everything, your favorite sunset spots, the highest mountaintops, show me

bring me to the beaches in Cancun, heck, bring me to the moon

but you can’t bring it to me

you can’t give it to me

it’s not yours to give, and I know Whose it is, so don’t try to waste my time

 

your efforts are cute, but they’ll never match up to His

this all sounds harsh, but I don’t blame you, I just don’t need you

not saying I want to be alone, but even on my own, I have it all, because I always have Him

and if you don’t, if you can’t get that, then I really don’t need you

 

don’t need you trying to convince me you can give me better than I already have

don’t need you trying to make me forget just how shining, shimmering, splendid my life already is, just so you can buff it up a little

I promise, it won’t end well

 

I don’t need you, you’ve shown me that

so let me know when you’re ready to meet me where I’m at

 

5.26.19

am I a rapper???

So a few months ago, I did a Thing. I’d done it once before, but on a much smaller scale.

Well, let me rewind a bit. A few months and a year ago, I performed at a fashion show on campus, and that’s how we ended up with this post. It was a fun time, with my pre-written poems and weeks of practice, but this year, I wanted to mix it up. Well, I didn’t want to, but I felt like I needed to. A good performer keeps the people on their toes right? That’s why I did the Thing. Continue reading “am I a rapper???”

re-thinking out loud

“this piece is inspired by a conversation that I had with my dear friend Mordecai

I’m probably picking and choosing and paraphrasing for poetic purposes, but he said that I make more sense when I’m on stage than I do in my day to day life

in my defense, I was very tired, so most of my mind was on the nap I was gonna take the next day

but what he said got me thinking

and I already think a lot

I seem really calm and collected right now because I sat down at 1:54 am monday morning (which should count as sunday night, in my opinion), and dumped a bunch of my thoughts on paper where I could see them

me being on stage is just me re-thinking out loud, which is why it used to be so scary

around this time last year, I was up here for the first time, re-thinking my thoughts

one of the pieces I performed was about what I do when my thoughts get too loud, which is poet for “what I do when I have a panic attack”

and now I’m back, feeling calm and collected because I have my thoughts written out

but I don’t really know what this piece is about Continue reading “re-thinking out loud”

before I turn 20

IMG_2781.jpeg

The irony isn’t lost on me that I’d written the second piece on the 19th day of March.

19.

A prime number with little room for flexibility. The only way to multiply and get 19 is to do nothing. In the world of arithmetic, multiplying by 1 does nothing.

Tragic, right?

But if you break 19 apart into 1 and 9, the possibilities are endless increase in number.

1 + 9 = 10

9 is a perfect square, so you could break it down into little 3s.

Or, you could build it up into a big 81, and 8 + 1 = 9, plus the 1 you had leftover, that’s 10 again!

Satisfying, right?

It all depends on how you look at it.

I’ve had to look long and hard at my 19.

Continue reading “before I turn 20”