this is how i think when things get too loud

think of trains of thought as long sentences, run-on sentences

there’s no track to follow so they run as they please, sometimes they collide, that’s an epiphany

but when things get too loud, it’s like clouds start to roll in

they build a wall between me and my trains, they keep them somewhere in my brain i can never reach

they’re storm clouds, big and gray but i watch anyway, i love cloud watching

i love silence

they bring silence

but as i lay on my blanket in the grass with my white noise playing softly through my stereo and i enjoy my silence, my trains keep running without me

sometimes the clouds will break and a word or two will poke through, but it’s never enough for me to follow and i instantly feel swallowed up by the emptiness

by the silence

and then it rains

all my anger and pain and hopes and dreams and cries and screams and tears come crashing down like rain, and it surrounds me

drowns me

whisks me away

and i wait forty days and forty nights for the rain to stop, time is relative when You’re God, but it’s only in the rain that i hear His voice

i have no choice

He’s my silence when things get too loud



will my unforgiveness keep me out of heaven?

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV

These two verses come right after the Lord’s Prayer, and in complete transparency, they had me pretty shook. If I won’t forgive somebody, and God won’t forgive me because I won’t forgive, how am I gonna get into heaven?

Continue reading “will my unforgiveness keep me out of heaven?”

summarized: The White Elephant | The Path of Lust x Dr. Matthew Stevenson (2/7)

If you want out, Jesus needs in. There is a way out of bondage without being condemned. 

God had a problem with Solomon and his many women, mainly because whenever Solomon would fall with them, they would turn his heart towards whatever they worshiped. Seduction has an distracting, destructive agenda.

The path of something is the way to it. Lust is not stationary; if you have it in one part of your life, it will affect you in others. Every path, including lust’s, has a starting point, a midpoint, and a landing point.

Continue reading “summarized: The White Elephant | The Path of Lust x Dr. Matthew Stevenson (2/7)”

summarized: The White Elephant | God’s Will For Your Body x Dr. Matthew Stevenson (1/7)

Your comfort should not dictate your receptivity. Receive the truth, be a realist and appreciate it when it comes from love.

The White Elephant in the room is a figure of speech for something that is large, oversized, something that everybody sees but refuses to talk about. Lust is one of those things.

Continue reading “summarized: The White Elephant | God’s Will For Your Body x Dr. Matthew Stevenson (1/7)”

my testimony

how intricate am I
woven like a basket
over, under
how, I wonder

can you see through me?

I wish I could see the beauty in myself
but I’m full of holes

so holey, so holy
Holy Lord, help me

I pray today
but what about yesterday?

how much can I hold?

take my arms, Lord
hold me, remold me
make my purpose clear

I can’t pour what You haven’t given me
I can’t collect what isn’t meant for me

save me before I break
into pieces
into peace


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