like nike

I do this thing where I know I want to do a Thing but then the idea of doing the Thing feels the slightest bit overwhelming so then I kinda just don’t do the Thing, unless there’s a deadline involved. Then I do the Thing at the last possible minute.

And that happens with a lot of Things.

Updating my photography Instagram. Finishing summer applications. Planning lunch dates.

Writing.

So there’s some transparency to explain the silence from me, but I’d like to start using my voice again. There are like ten different topics I want to write about, they’re just floating around my head day in and day out and new ones keep formulating so I should just *write* about them, right? Like a lot of other things, I need to just do it. This is me doing it. Continue reading “like nike”

2.11.18 – Somebody knew

I feel like… I don’t know who

but I feel like somebody new

 

I’ve been told that my voice sounds like the moon

 

I don’t know what the moon sounds like

 

so now, I study it at night

I wanna find myself in it

 

I’ve been told that my life looks like the Son

 

now I know what the Son looks like, but I still study Him at night

so I can find myself in Him

 

I’ve been told that I am fearfully and wonderfully made

full of fear, yet full of wonder

 

I’m not talkin bout that, “mommy, I’m scared, can you read me a bedtime story?”

I’m talkin bout, “mommy, when you held me in your belly, I was being built piece by piece to be somebody new by Somebody Who knew me before you did, Somebody Who knew my story and my song, Somebody Who knew everything I could do and everyone I could be, Who knew me”

 

do you know who I am?

 

I am full of fear

fear to be up on this stage, to be here at this stage in my life where I feel like I need to have all the answers

it’s like I’ve learned how to juggle this that and the third, but the word I was missing was balance, because every amazing feat I complete is easily defeated if I’m not steady on my feet

If I’m not ready

 

I am full of wonder

do you know what wonder is?

I wonder if you wonder about the fact that you’re alive

I wonder if you look just to look, just to realize that you can see and you know your reds from your blues and your socks from your shoes and you just know

or maybe you can hear that half step between dissonance and harmonies, maybe you can draw stick figures with symmetrical arms cuz see, I can’t do that

and I wonder what it’s like

I wonder if you can rub your head and pat your belly

isn’t that silly?

when I go out and I study the moon and I look and I wonder, I wonder how someone could say it’s just a projection in the sky

isn’t that silly?

and then when I step in and I study the Son and I look and I wonder, I wonder how someone could say that this is a reflection of I

isn’t that silly?

 

do you know who I am?

 

I don’t recognize myself sometimes, but I like who I’m becoming

and I feel like Somebody knew that I would

2.11.18