more reflections

let me walk y’all through my day (in retrospect, I must ask you to forgive me. turns out I had a lot to say so I got a bit lost along the way)

when you have cool friends who do cool things like start businesses, you eventually get roped into the business making business (well, I do, because I like to try new things. sometimes. but for *some* reason I ended up in the business making business). as a newly initiated young entrepreneur, it was only right that I went to the Youth Entrepreneur Diversity Corp Summit. how did I end up in this space? my cool friends. my cool relationships. if that extremely rough draft is legible to you, you might know where I’m headed with this, but let’s keep going. Continue reading “more reflections”

appreciation

the Sound of music makes me appreciate it

well, the sound of music makes me appreciate it

 

that was supposed to be a potential intro to my personal statement, but as I sit on the bus out of Ithaca for the 7th time this year, and I look at the hills, so lush and full of life, I feel like writing right now

I’ll get the draft together eventually. I need to learn how to write without worrying about getting it right. can’t perfect what doesn’t exist, right?

Continue reading “appreciation”

20 more minutes

11:40pm, 6.28.19

20 more minutes of 20

I don’t know if this will be a poem, or an inspirational post, or a heart-wrenching rant, but I just want to sit and write a bit

my phone keeps buzzing, but I’ll leave it alone for once

 

I’d been wondering if I was going to write a birthday post this year, I’m definitely feeling better than I was this time last year, but my words felt backed up, hidden beneath all my thoughts

 

and then I saw Hamilton

 

my mom and aunt are a dynamic duo when it comes to catering to my love for Broadway (I’ve seen The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Aladdin, Wicked, The Lion King, School of Rock, The Book of Mormon, and now, Hamilton). The Lion King and Hamilton were complete surprises, well, when we got on the train to go to the city I figured we were either going to a really fancy dinner or going to watch a Broadway show. maybe Hamilton, but probably Anastasia

we decided to walk to our destination since the weather was nice, and I remember turning the corner and seeing the signs for Hamilton down the block. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too soon, maybe Anastasia was further down, but we got to the lines of people wrapping around both sides of the building, and my mom stops

and I look at her

and she smiles

 

she starts asking the workers where to go to pick up tickets, I think I was still holding my breath at this point but I remember the ticket guy saying “enjoy, Golden Girl!” (the tickets were under my name, so I think he asked what it meant (wura = gold), was still in a daze so who knows), and then we walked in

 

I cried on average once every 5 minutes

 

I know the whole show, at least 70% of the lines are ingrained into my memory. act 1 has more of my favs, I know who dies when, and I’d already come up with an idea for Satisfied choreo by the third time I’d listened to it. I know Hamilton. I love Hamilton. but seeing Hamilton was better than I could’ve imagined

 

I didn’t know how to feel at first, for years I’ve been listening to the same produced recordings so to see it live with a whole new cast is gonna be a different experience. but the words were the same, the songs were the same, it was still Hamilton, but more. I had faces for the voices, more passion to go with the pain of what was being acted. I hear voices crack, saw body language and interactions that Apple Music could never convey. I saw myself

 

Hamilton was a writer. over and over they ask (sing), “why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I don’t know. I really don’t know. I write for me, and sometimes I share it with you guys, or on stage, but when the words come, they come. I can’t sing those lines without wondering why

and I can’t sing about how quiet it is uptown without crying

 

I’ve listened to these scenes over and over, I know what goes down between Philip and George Eacker, I know the toll it takes on Eliza and Alexander’s marriage. but to see him reach out for her hand, and for her to take it while the ensemble softly harmonizes, singing the words “forgiveness, can you imagine”, my heart broke

 

if Eliza is me, Hamilton is God

 

and it’s midnight now, so I’m 21

and my family is here to pray for me

 

to be continued, be blesseds bbys ✨

 

‘Everyone will sit under their own vine and under their own fig tree, and no one will make them afraid, for the Lord Almighty has spoken. ‘

Micah 4:4

my little black foot

my black foot

my little black foot

I think it’s too small for my body

I’m pretty tall, and it’s pretty small

I’m pretty

 

my little black foot

being black is so weird

so little that does so much

I didn’t even ask to be black

I’m not complaining, not right now, but it’s so little

 

my little black foot

blacker in some places than others

and my sole is so light

my soul

 

my little black foot

with its badly painted toes

I hate when my toes aren’t perfect, when I’m not perfect

the color is cute, a shimmering pink layered over mauve, or taupe, I’m not sure

really really cute, just kinda smudged from my socks

I love my socks

socks suck though, just look at the toes on my little black foot

 

little foot, little toes

even my nose is little

my hands too

I’m just taking inventory at this point, all because of my little black foot

 

with the Birkenstock tan

I told myself I’d never get Birks

but then I did, and now I love them

they’re comfy, and they look really cute on my little black foot

especially when my toes are perfect

but even when they’re not, the Birks are still comfy

and for that I’m thankful

for my Birks

and for my little black foot

 

6.17.19, 8:17pm

church notes: All in the Family x Pastor Jim Miller | 6.2.19

(notes added post-sermon in italics!)

1 John 3:1-10

‘1 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. 2 Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. 3 And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

4 Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness. 5 You know that He appeared in order to take away sins; and in Him there is no sin. 6 No one who abides in Him sins; no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him.

7 Little children, make sure no one deceives you; 8 the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. 9 No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. 10 By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother. ‘

what does it look like to be a child of God? Continue reading “church notes: All in the Family x Pastor Jim Miller | 6.2.19”

(com)pati-, pt.490

‘ “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. ‘

MATTHEW 5:7 

 

Welcome back to the Pati Path! I know it’s been awhile, so if you need a thorough recap, check out parts 1 and 2! Otherwise, here’s a quick summary:

  • pati is a Latin word that means to suffer
  • the word “compassion” comes from the roots “com” and “pati”, and literally means to suffer with
  • the word “patience” also has the root “pati”, and can translate to suffering without getting angry and upset
  • through the Holy Spirit, we have the power to display true compassion and patience, to bear good fruit

With all this mind, let’s look at these words in action in Matthew 18:

Continue reading “(com)pati-, pt.490”

fools, Gold

“I can show you the world”

and that’s about it, hun

 

show me everything, your favorite sunset spots, the highest mountaintops, show me

bring me to the beaches in Cancun, heck, bring me to the moon

but you can’t bring it to me

you can’t give it to me

it’s not yours to give, and I know Whose it is, so don’t try to waste my time

 

your efforts are cute, but they’ll never match up to His

this all sounds harsh, but I don’t blame you, I just don’t need you

not saying I want to be alone, but even on my own, I have it all, because I always have Him

and if you don’t, if you can’t get that, then I really don’t need you

 

don’t need you trying to convince me you can give me better than I already have

don’t need you trying to make me forget just how shining, shimmering, splendid my life already is, just so you can buff it up a little

I promise, it won’t end well

 

I don’t need you, you’ve shown me that

so let me know when you’re ready to meet me where I’m at

 

5.26.19