6:48 am

I arose so the Sun could greet me

and it decided to do so quietly

6:30

snooze

6:35

socks

 

it was a bit cold

  a bit wet

maybe I should’ve been more mindful of the rain because it’s washed my greeting away

now everything is blue

the water is blue

the sky is blue

the snakes I imagined running into were green

   not my most redeeming moment

 

and at this point, I was cold

    I was wet

    I had worn my white rubber birks but

    what can those do to protect your fuzzy socks?

of all the things I packed, I think I brought the most socks

having warm feet is very important

 

and now I sit in the library in the warm and the quiet, and I realize that the Son came to greet me anyway

I’m not worried about the snakes

       not worried about my socks

       not worried about physics

 

I’m excited for my day, all I could do with my new friends

making new friends, I’m not as good as I thought

but I am trying

maybe they’ll want to take care of me

maybe I’ll let them

 

the sky is still blue

I could go back to bed

but let me see if my roommate is awake

I’ll try greeting her quietly

 

9.14.19, during a much needed retreat

freedom

on to the next

the next page

the next stage

it’s like having your hair in braids for months,

it’s constrained but protected, and you can feel the new growth coming in

those lil baby curls

you play with them when you’re stressed, 

daydreaming about how big your fro will be when you can finally free yourself from those chains

braids

sometimes you need help to get through them all, sometimes you have to cut them short before you start

sometimes, sometimes, everything’s so conditional

but freedom is delicious

a process, but delightful

the braids come out, but there’s still the gunk that built up at the roots

the chains come off, but there’s still the dents that dug in at your wrists

you need clarity

look at reality

look at it, really

the gunk

the dents

this is where you were before you were free

(completely unrelated, but I am so happy)

(I never write happy poems)

don’t let it scare you

you’re free now

so clarify, wash the gunk out of your roots

massage your wrists, smooth the dents out

then play with your curls

yes, use your hands

your freedom

you’re at the next stage

on the next page

on to the next

4.1.19

Continue reading “freedom”

the best of YED: vol. II, before you start

Aaand we’re back!

“We” being me.

And the Holy Spirit.

Anyway, here’s Volume II! How’d you like the first installment of my YED Series? That volume focused more on relationships, so now that we’ve laid out the backgroundwork, I’ll be talking about getting started. This volume is packed with questions because I’ve learned that it’s really important to be introspective before yelling, “we move!”

(Like, where are we moving to pls? :-/)

These are all points that I saw coming in handy for the pre-beginners. Whether you’re thinking of starting a business, your next semester, a new diet, a new book… whatever it is, just take the advice you need.

Again, I’ll have the points I actually took from the Summit big and bold; everything else will be thoughts from yours truly. Let’s get right into it! Continue reading “the best of YED: vol. II, before you start”

toni morrison

my heart has been saying goodbye

it’s not used to things staying, so it’s been saying goodbye

 

the things that did stay weren’t good, and they didn’t say bye

so that’s what my heart got used to

 

it was learning to say hello

to shaking hands

to keeping in touch

to being touched

and then the good said goodbye, again

and my heart cried and it said, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

“this is loss”

 

 

my heart is so used to saying goodbye, to the weight that moves in when you lose what you love

I can feel it, heavy in my chest

an ice that burns

 

so I’ve been learning to say goodbye

in a way that feels warm

a way that melts the ice

 

when you say goodbye to the sun, you say hello to the moon

and the stars

 

and then you say goodbye to those to say hello to the dawn

she brings her dew, and her birds sing

they cry out

and I wake up and I say, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

 

the fear of goodbye won’t keep me from saying hello

the good will say bye

the bad will say hello

everything will come, and everything will go

 

I can mourn in the morning

I can dance in the dusk

 

there’s a time for it all

I guess my heart just got used to saying goodbye

 

 

the best of YED: vol. I, relationships

“I have about 10 pages of inspirational chicken scratch, maybe I’ll pick my favorite points and expand on them. an advice column. yeah, that would be live.”

Turns out it was 12 pages.

I don’t know if this counts as an advice column (not sure if I’ve ever read one tbh), but more reflections started as 2 pages and turned into almost 2,000 words. To avoid turning my YED notes into a dissertation, I made a game plan.

tenor

If I stick to it, there will be four volumes. Each one is focused on a specific topic, but they’ll flow into each other (think of more reflections as the intro to all of this):

I. relationships

II. before you start

III. guidance

IV. as you’re going

The main points from the Summit are underlined, bolded, and numbered. They’re also bigger. If you just want some takeaway points from YED, there you go. But for everything else, assume I took the messages and ran with them.

I’ve been doing this long enough for y’all to know what to expect, but I hope you’re ready for a lot of intricate analogies and Bible verses!

Continue reading “the best of YED: vol. I, relationships”