brilliance and resilience

I just finished Yaa Gyasi’s Transcendent Kingdom

well, I finished it, sat in silence for a few minutes, and then I sent a text saying “it made me feel a lot of feelings. it wasn’t instant, but I want to cry.”

but I didn’t cry. I got up and put on Raury’s All We Need album, Trap Tears specifically. I listened to it twice before letting the album move on, chopping okra and thinking of this post the whole time, building it in a loop, adding the new sentences in bits to help me remember what words I wanted to say, what order I wanted to say them in. the album’s still playing, but the okra’s waiting. and I’m sitting here knowing these words aren’t the same ones I had in my head, but they’ll have to do. they’re close enough. they’re enough.

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humbled beginnings

yes, humbled

I’m back to writing whenever things click, so it’s 7:25am. for someone who’d gotten used to sleeping around 4am, my body is definitely confused right now. but as I was trying to go back to sleep, something clicked. I’ll walk you through what was going on.

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20

I couldn’t come up with a witty title for this post, but the idea is that I want to share 20 things that I learned from being in the class of 2020. (update: a good title would’ve been 20* tips from a 2020 grad. but just “20” feels edgy (and also resolves the making 19 20 thing) so I’m keeping it.)

Trump got elected my freshman year, and I graduated with the cords of Covid-19 and racism heavy around my neck. It’s been a time.

Right now, people are being active. In the physical, in the spiritual. “Thoughts and prayers” won’t cut it (as a phrase), but spending time in prayer, in God’s Word, and in God’s presence is all keeping me together right now. But more on that in a minute, let me not get ahead of myself.

I’m bringing this list directly from my journal so it’s not in any specific order, and it’d probably look different on a different day, but here’s what we got:

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frozen 2 review, but make it about God

I watched Frozen 2 two nights ago, for the second time

by choice

I grew up a Disney girl and will always be a Disney girl

but because I’m also a thinker, I wrote down the quotes that resonated with me and reflected on them, blog-style, in my journal afterwards

think I love you 3,000, but Disney.

 

this post will make the most sense if you’ve watched the movie, which makes more sense if you’ve watched the first one, but I’ll try to add enough context for those of y’all who just want the key points! I kinda float back and forth between talking to me and talking to y’all, so as always, let me know if you need any clarification in the comments! anything not italicized was added after my original journal sesh. *insert Into The Unknown-related pun as a good transistion*

  Continue reading “frozen 2 review, but make it about God”

366 days

by God’s grace, I’ll have 366 more days

1 more year to try again

cuz let’s be honest, 2019 was not what I expected

I probably wasn’t expecting anything, not after my 2018

wasn’t expecting anything besides a break

hint: I didn’t get one

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more reflections

let me walk y’all through my day (in retrospect, I must ask you to forgive me. turns out I had a lot to say so I got a bit lost along the way)

when you have cool friends who do cool things like start businesses, you eventually get roped into the business making business (well, I do, because I like to try new things. sometimes. but for *some* reason I ended up in the business making business). as a newly initiated young entrepreneur, it was only right that I went to the Youth Entrepreneur Diversity Corp Summit. how did I end up in this space? my cool friends. my cool relationships. if that extremely rough draft is legible to you, you might know where I’m headed with this, but let’s keep going. Continue reading “more reflections”

appreciation

the Sound of music makes me appreciate it

well, the sound of music makes me appreciate it

 

that was supposed to be a potential intro to my personal statement, but as I sit on the bus out of Ithaca for the 7th time this year, and I look at the hills, so lush and full of life, I feel like writing right now

I’ll get the draft together eventually. I need to learn how to write without worrying about getting it right. can’t perfect what doesn’t exist, right?

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20 more minutes

11:40pm, 6.28.19

20 more minutes of 20

I don’t know if this will be a poem, or an inspirational post, or a heart-wrenching rant, but I just want to sit and write a bit

my phone keeps buzzing, but I’ll leave it alone for once

 

I’d been wondering if I was going to write a birthday post this year, I’m definitely feeling better than I was this time last year, but my words felt backed up, hidden beneath all my thoughts

 

and then I saw Hamilton

 

my mom and aunt are a dynamic duo when it comes to catering to my love for Broadway (I’ve seen The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Aladdin, Wicked, The Lion King, School of Rock, The Book of Mormon, and now, Hamilton). The Lion King and Hamilton were complete surprises, well, when we got on the train to go to the city I figured we were either going to a really fancy dinner or going to watch a Broadway show. maybe Hamilton, but probably Anastasia

we decided to walk to our destination since the weather was nice, and I remember turning the corner and seeing the signs for Hamilton down the block. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too soon, maybe Anastasia was further down, but we got to the lines of people wrapping around both sides of the building, and my mom stops

and I look at her

and she smiles

 

she starts asking the workers where to go to pick up tickets, I think I was still holding my breath at this point but I remember the ticket guy saying “enjoy, Golden Girl!” (the tickets were under my name, so I think he asked what it meant (wura = gold), was still in a daze so who knows), and then we walked in

 

I cried on average once every 5 minutes

 

I know the whole show, at least 70% of the lines are ingrained into my memory. act 1 has more of my favs, I know who dies when, and I’d already come up with an idea for Satisfied choreo by the third time I’d listened to it. I know Hamilton. I love Hamilton. but seeing Hamilton was better than I could’ve imagined

 

I didn’t know how to feel at first, for years I’ve been listening to the same produced recordings so to see it live with a whole new cast is gonna be a different experience. but the words were the same, the songs were the same, it was still Hamilton, but more. I had faces for the voices, more passion to go with the pain of what was being acted. I hear voices crack, saw body language and interactions that Apple Music could never convey. I saw myself

 

Hamilton was a writer. over and over they ask (sing), “why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I don’t know. I really don’t know. I write for me, and sometimes I share it with you guys, or on stage, but when the words come, they come. I can’t sing those lines without wondering why

and I can’t sing about how quiet it is uptown without crying

 

I’ve listened to these scenes over and over, I know what goes down between Philip and George Eacker, I know the toll it takes on Eliza and Alexander’s marriage. but to see him reach out for her hand, and for her to take it while the ensemble softly harmonizes, singing the words “forgiveness, can you imagine”, my heart broke

 

if Eliza is me, Hamilton is God

 

and it’s midnight now, so I’m 21

and my family is here to pray for me

 

to be continued, be blesseds bbys ✨

 

‘Everyone will sit under their own vine and under their own fig tree, and no one will make them afraid, for the Lord Almighty has spoken. ‘

Micah 4:4