toni morrison

my heart has been saying goodbye

it’s not used to things staying, so it’s been saying goodbye

 

the things that did stay weren’t good, and they didn’t say bye

so that’s what my heart got used to

 

it was learning to say hello

to shaking hands

to keeping in touch

to being touched

and then the good said goodbye, again

and my heart cried and it said, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

“this is loss”

 

 

my heart is so used to saying goodbye, to the weight that moves in when you lose what you love

I can feel it, heavy in my chest

an ice that burns

 

so I’ve been learning to say goodbye

in a way that feels warm

a way that melts the ice

 

when you say goodbye to the sun, you say hello to the moon

and the stars

 

and then you say goodbye to those to say hello to the dawn

she brings her dew, and her birds sing

they cry out

and I wake up and I say, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

 

the fear of goodbye won’t keep me from saying hello

the good will say bye

the bad will say hello

everything will come, and everything will go

 

I can mourn in the morning

I can dance in the dusk

 

there’s a time for it all

I guess my heart just got used to saying goodbye

 

 

marmalade jars

the slightest tint makes everything warmer

the slightest glint makes everything warmer

to see true joy, pure joy in someone’s your smile

it covers the room, makes everything golden

perfect

pure joy, perfect joy, oh how I’ve missed you

it’s been so long, I feel kinda shy around you now

I’ve grown a bit, so I’m adjusting still

I’m learning, still

learning what you look like

what I look like

what we look like

we go together, you and me

I’m supposed to be this happy

it may feel foreign, but I need to

know that I know you

true joy, perfect joy

you’ve made everything warmer

it’s like how the sun shines in the

winter, but you can’t feel its warmth

it’s spring now, I can feel it

feel the strain in my cheeks as

I look around in awe, with glee

everything’s golden, just how I’ve wanted to be

you make the little things so fascinating, Joy

so satisfying

actually, more gratifying

I’m already satisfied

even when it doesn’t feel like spring, everything’s still golden

the Son still shines in the winter

I’m learning, still

what we look like

because with you, everything’s

just slightly warmer

 

4.1.19

my little black foot

my black foot

my little black foot

I think it’s too small for my body

I’m pretty tall, and it’s pretty small

I’m pretty

 

my little black foot

being black is so weird

so little that does so much

I didn’t even ask to be black

I’m not complaining, not right now, but it’s so little

 

my little black foot

blacker in some places than others

and my sole is so light

my soul

 

my little black foot

with its badly painted toes

I hate when my toes aren’t perfect, when I’m not perfect

the color is cute, a shimmering pink layered over mauve, or taupe, I’m not sure

really really cute, just kinda smudged from my socks

I love my socks

socks suck though, just look at the toes on my little black foot

 

little foot, little toes

even my nose is little

my hands too

I’m just taking inventory at this point, all because of my little black foot

 

with the Birkenstock tan

I told myself I’d never get Birks

but then I did, and now I love them

they’re comfy, and they look really cute on my little black foot

especially when my toes are perfect

but even when they’re not, the Birks are still comfy

and for that I’m thankful

for my Birks

and for my little black foot

 

6.17.19, 8:17pm

fools, Gold

“I can show you the world”

and that’s about it, hun

 

show me everything, your favorite sunset spots, the highest mountaintops, show me

bring me to the beaches in Cancun, heck, bring me to the moon

but you can’t bring it to me

you can’t give it to me

it’s not yours to give, and I know Whose it is, so don’t try to waste my time

 

your efforts are cute, but they’ll never match up to His

this all sounds harsh, but I don’t blame you, I just don’t need you

not saying I want to be alone, but even on my own, I have it all, because I always have Him

and if you don’t, if you can’t get that, then I really don’t need you

 

don’t need you trying to convince me you can give me better than I already have

don’t need you trying to make me forget just how shining, shimmering, splendid my life already is, just so you can buff it up a little

I promise, it won’t end well

 

I don’t need you, you’ve shown me that

so let me know when you’re ready to meet me where I’m at

 

5.26.19

am I a rapper???

So a few months ago, I did a Thing. I’d done it once before, but on a much smaller scale.

Well, let me rewind a bit. A few months and a year ago, I performed at a fashion show on campus, and that’s how we ended up with this post. It was a fun time, with my pre-written poems and weeks of practice, but this year, I wanted to mix it up. Well, I didn’t want to, but I felt like I needed to. A good performer keeps the people on their toes right? That’s why I did the Thing. Continue reading “am I a rapper???”

4.21.19

I haven’t fully realized what it means to be me

to do what I do

when I speak, they listen

when I go, they follow

because when I go

I lead

I haven’t fully realized what it means to be me

with what I’ve been through

I read about it sometimes, in these journals of mine

I never would’ve thought I’d be here

I haven’t really realized what it means to be me

to be here

that means I kept trying

I kept writing

I kept speaking, going

I didn’t pay too much attention to the becoming, so now I’m not really sure what it means to be me

and I want to be

I want to be

I want to be happy with me, proud of me, patient with me, nice to me, funny to me, beautiful to me

enough to me

4.21.19