Category: poems

creatively destructive

some destroy, I create

I got angsty so I tweezed my eyebrows, made eyeliner out of eyeshadow, and tried a new lip look

the eyeliner especially, I had to wreck the plates to get enough color

sometimes creation takes destruction

the destruction I feel pushes me to create

rather than continue

and sometimes in the creating

I get to destroy

but in a safe way

a necessary way

a benevolent way

that’s different from the destruction driving me

I must prefer my way, I turn to it so often

8.2.2020

what do I want?

–

the past, the past

don’t I want to look forward?

move on?

what’s there for me?

I’ve already lived that life

I went after my hopes, and now I’m here

going back won’t change that

time has passed

things have changed

what do I want now?

who am I?

new goals, new rules, new hopes + dreams

take note, but leave the rest behind

rest

recognize

you are not your past, and you’re not stuck there either

–

I want love

I don’t know where it’ll come from, and that’s okay

doesn’t matter where I’ve searched before

what matters is what I want

love

connection, intimacy, safety

I know this

I know I want a house, full of decorations, and full of yes,

love

I don’t know where it’ll be, the exact layout, the blueprint

doesn’t matter

what matters is what I want

a career

I don’t know what it is that I’ll be doing everyday, what my job will want from me, what my hobbies will want from me

doesn’t matter

what matters is what I want

–

there’s nothing wrong with wanting these things, I don’t think

a heart is meant to have desires

and I know I’ll end up somewhere

but it won’t be by chance

I won’t get there without putting in the work

can I control the outcome? no, never

doesn’t matter

what matters is what I want

7.24.2020

5.28.2020

of dreams?

were you what,

scared?

I want to 

flip the script.

now mine, it’s

different.

conquered, I fear.

forever lost

never remembered.

time? no, have I

left

that behind?

see, you’ll

acknowledge Death

follows what

lives.

live to want.

dreams of

what you were

scared

to want, I

script the flip.

it’s mine now.

different.

fear? conquered.

lost forever.

remembered never.

I have no time

left. 

behind that

you’ll see

Death. acknowledge

what follows.

lives.

want to live.

2.15.18, 9.27.19

“hey y’all!

like ____ just said, my name is Iyaniwura Olarewaju, and I’m a senior at Cornell University

literally everything I study and do research on is science-y, but I’ve been writing since 2011. I don’t have a lot of poems from back then because when I started out I would burn everything

I was a very emotional pre-teen, and nothing made sense in my head so I would put my thoughts on paper, and then I would burn them

it was a great form of release back then, but I just got this iPad so I don’t think my dad would be very happy with me if I set it on fire

Continue reading “2.15.18, 9.27.19”

revisions

i fear what i want

i dream big so i fear what i want and i fear what i need to get what i want because i don’t know what i need and i told myself to never settle but i keep ending up among stars when i should be on Mars, and they blind me, bind me

i fear what i want because i know i can have it it’s so close i could grab it but i hate asking for help i hate feeling helpless, and you’re present but your presence always helps less than you mean it to, and i couldn’t blame you

you don’t fear what i want

you could hold my Mars in the palm of your hand

to you, my Mars will always be a grain of sand

 

5.3.17

 

i fear what i want

i dream big so i fear what i want and i fear what i need to get what i want because i know what i need and i told myself to never settle but i keep ending up among stars when i should be on Mars, and they blind me, bind me

i fear what i want because i know i can have it it’s so close i could grab it but i hate asking for help i hate feeling helpless, but You’re present and Your presence makes me feel blessed like you mean it to, for that i thank You

You don’t fear what i want

You hold my Mars in the palm of Your hand

to You, my Mars will always be a grain of sand

 

7.25.17

 

I thought I could rewrite this, but I don’t fear as much anymore

I know what I want and I know I can have it, sometimes I spend a bit too long in the locker roo m ut I still go for it

I can see the stars before I get to Mars and yet I take them all in, enjoying the view, as I should

I know I’ll end up somewhere

I know what I want and I know I can have it, it’s so close I could grab it, I hate asking for help and I hate feeling helpless, but I do it anyway, because You’re present and Your presence makes me feel blessed like you mean it to, for that I thank You

You don’t fear what I want

You hold my Mars in the palm of Your hand

to You, my Mars will always be a grain of sand

and the palm of Your hand will always be a safe place to land

 

2.7.2020

wait til the end for the title

I like knowing you’re here

somewhere in the twists and turns beneath the high ceilings between the dividers, there’s you

doing what I do

enjoying the beauty of absence

but you’re still here, and I like that

I like knowing that I don’t have to know anything

knowing I can figure it out as I go along, like a mainstream song, the melody will catch on fast and the imprint will last and I’ll hum it as I walk through the prints and the charcoal sketches and the paint covered canvases, how full this absence is

 

1.25.17, a date with God

I want to be

I want to be like me when I grow up

 

The me the people know of

The me the people show love

 

I want to be the me I created

back when I was just a kid and 

nothing I did could compare to 

what I would do because 

 

when I was a kid

I wanted to be an astronaut

I wanted to fly through the stars

be the first girl on Mars

an astronaut

 

but now

I just want to be me

I just want to be happy

I just want to be free

 

2.9.17

6:48 am

I arose so the Sun could greet me

and it decided to do so quietly

6:30

snooze

6:35

socks

 

it was a bit cold

  a bit wet

maybe I should’ve been more mindful of the rain because it’s washed my greeting away

now everything is blue

the water is blue

the sky is blue

the snakes I imagined running into were green

   not my most redeeming moment

 

and at this point, I was cold

    I was wet

    I had worn my white rubber birks but

    what can those do to protect your fuzzy socks?

of all the things I packed, I think I brought the most socks

having warm feet is very important

 

and now I sit in the library in the warm and the quiet, and I realize that the Son came to greet me anyway

I’m not worried about the snakes

       not worried about my socks

       not worried about physics

 

I’m excited for my day, all I could do with my new friends

making new friends, I’m not as good as I thought

but I am trying

maybe they’ll want to take care of me

maybe I’ll let them

 

the sky is still blue

I could go back to bed

but let me see if my roommate is awake

I’ll try greeting her quietly

 

9.14.19, during a much needed retreat