the best of YED: vol. II, before you start

Aaand we’re back!

“We” being me.

And the Holy Spirit.

Anyway, here’s Volume II! How’d you like the first installment of my YED Series? That volume focused more on relationships, so now that we’ve laid out the backgroundwork, I’ll be talking about getting started. This volume is packed with questions because I’ve learned that it’s really important to be introspective before yelling, “we move!”

(Like, where are we moving to pls? :-/)

These are all points that I saw coming in handy for the pre-beginners. Whether you’re thinking of starting a business, your next semester, a new diet, a new book… whatever it is, just take the advice you need.

Again, I’ll have the points I actually took from the Summit big and bold; everything else will be thoughts from yours truly. Let’s get right into it! Continue reading “the best of YED: vol. II, before you start”

toni morrison

my heart has been saying goodbye

it’s not used to things staying, so it’s been saying goodbye

 

the things that did stay weren’t good, and they didn’t say bye

so that’s what my heart got used to

 

it was learning to say hello

to shaking hands

to keeping in touch

to being touched

and then the good said goodbye, again

and my heart cried and it said, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

“this is loss”

 

 

my heart is so used to saying goodbye, to the weight that moves in when you lose what you love

I can feel it, heavy in my chest

an ice that burns

 

so I’ve been learning to say goodbye

in a way that feels warm

a way that melts the ice

 

when you say goodbye to the sun, you say hello to the moon

and the stars

 

and then you say goodbye to those to say hello to the dawn

she brings her dew, and her birds sing

they cry out

and I wake up and I say, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

 

the fear of goodbye won’t keep me from saying hello

the good will say bye

the bad will say hello

everything will come, and everything will go

 

I can mourn in the morning

I can dance in the dusk

 

there’s a time for it all

I guess my heart just got used to saying goodbye

 

 

the best of YED: vol. I, relationships

“I have about 10 pages of inspirational chicken scratch, maybe I’ll pick my favorite points and expand on them. an advice column. yeah, that would be live.”

Turns out it was 12 pages.

I don’t know if this counts as an advice column (not sure if I’ve ever read one tbh), but more reflections started as 2 pages and turned into almost 2,000 words. To avoid turning my YED notes into a dissertation, I made a game plan.

tenor

If I stick to it, there will be four volumes. Each one is focused on a specific topic, but they’ll flow into each other (think of more reflections as the intro to all of this):

I. relationships

II. before you start

III. guidance

IV. as you’re going

The main points from the Summit are underlined, bolded, and numbered. They’re also bigger. If you just want some takeaway points from YED, there you go. But for everything else, assume I took the messages and ran with them.

I’ve been doing this long enough for y’all to know what to expect, but I hope you’re ready for a lot of intricate analogies and Bible verses!

Continue reading “the best of YED: vol. I, relationships”

marmalade jars

the slightest tint makes everything warmer

the slightest glint makes everything warmer

to see true joy, pure joy in someone’s your smile

it covers the room, makes everything golden

perfect

pure joy, perfect joy, oh how I’ve missed you

it’s been so long, I feel kinda shy around you now

I’ve grown a bit, so I’m adjusting still

I’m learning, still

learning what you look like

what I look like

what we look like

we go together, you and me

I’m supposed to be this happy

it may feel foreign, but I need to

know that I know you

true joy, perfect joy

you’ve made everything warmer

it’s like how the sun shines in the

winter, but you can’t feel its warmth

it’s spring now, I can feel it

feel the strain in my cheeks as

I look around in awe, with glee

everything’s golden, just how I’ve wanted to be

you make the little things so fascinating, Joy

so satisfying

actually, more gratifying

I’m already satisfied

even when it doesn’t feel like spring, everything’s still golden

the Son still shines in the winter

I’m learning, still

what we look like

because with you, everything’s

just slightly warmer

 

4.1.19

more reflections

let me walk y’all through my day (in retrospect, I must ask you to forgive me. turns out I had a lot to say so I got a bit lost along the way)

when you have cool friends who do cool things like start businesses, you eventually get roped into the business making business (well, I do, because I like to try new things. sometimes. but for *some* reason I ended up in the business making business). as a newly initiated young entrepreneur, it was only right that I went to the Youth Entrepreneur Diversity Corp Summit. how did I end up in this space? my cool friends. my cool relationships. if that extremely rough draft is legible to you, you might know where I’m headed with this, but let’s keep going. Continue reading “more reflections”

appreciation

the Sound of music makes me appreciate it

well, the sound of music makes me appreciate it

 

that was supposed to be a potential intro to my personal statement, but as I sit on the bus out of Ithaca for the 7th time this year, and I look at the hills, so lush and full of life, I feel like writing right now

I’ll get the draft together eventually. I need to learn how to write without worrying about getting it right. can’t perfect what doesn’t exist, right?

Continue reading “appreciation”

20 more minutes

11:40pm, 6.28.19

20 more minutes of 20

I don’t know if this will be a poem, or an inspirational post, or a heart-wrenching rant, but I just want to sit and write a bit

my phone keeps buzzing, but I’ll leave it alone for once

 

I’d been wondering if I was going to write a birthday post this year, I’m definitely feeling better than I was this time last year, but my words felt backed up, hidden beneath all my thoughts

 

and then I saw Hamilton

 

my mom and aunt are a dynamic duo when it comes to catering to my love for Broadway (I’ve seen The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Aladdin, Wicked, The Lion King, School of Rock, The Book of Mormon, and now, Hamilton). The Lion King and Hamilton were complete surprises, well, when we got on the train to go to the city I figured we were either going to a really fancy dinner or going to watch a Broadway show. maybe Hamilton, but probably Anastasia

we decided to walk to our destination since the weather was nice, and I remember turning the corner and seeing the signs for Hamilton down the block. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too soon, maybe Anastasia was further down, but we got to the lines of people wrapping around both sides of the building, and my mom stops

and I look at her

and she smiles

 

she starts asking the workers where to go to pick up tickets, I think I was still holding my breath at this point but I remember the ticket guy saying “enjoy, Golden Girl!” (the tickets were under my name, so I think he asked what it meant (wura = gold), was still in a daze so who knows), and then we walked in

 

I cried on average once every 5 minutes

 

I know the whole show, at least 70% of the lines are ingrained into my memory. act 1 has more of my favs, I know who dies when, and I’d already come up with an idea for Satisfied choreo by the third time I’d listened to it. I know Hamilton. I love Hamilton. but seeing Hamilton was better than I could’ve imagined

 

I didn’t know how to feel at first, for years I’ve been listening to the same produced recordings so to see it live with a whole new cast is gonna be a different experience. but the words were the same, the songs were the same, it was still Hamilton, but more. I had faces for the voices, more passion to go with the pain of what was being acted. I hear voices crack, saw body language and interactions that Apple Music could never convey. I saw myself

 

Hamilton was a writer. over and over they ask (sing), “why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I don’t know. I really don’t know. I write for me, and sometimes I share it with you guys, or on stage, but when the words come, they come. I can’t sing those lines without wondering why

and I can’t sing about how quiet it is uptown without crying

 

I’ve listened to these scenes over and over, I know what goes down between Philip and George Eacker, I know the toll it takes on Eliza and Alexander’s marriage. but to see him reach out for her hand, and for her to take it while the ensemble softly harmonizes, singing the words “forgiveness, can you imagine”, my heart broke

 

if Eliza is me, Hamilton is God

 

and it’s midnight now, so I’m 21

and my family is here to pray for me

 

to be continued, be blesseds bbys ✨

 

‘Everyone will sit under their own vine and under their own fig tree, and no one will make them afraid, for the Lord Almighty has spoken. ‘

Micah 4:4