glazed donuts

everything is everything.

just like a year ago, I’m writing vessel’s birthday post on vessel’s birthday. just like last year, I spent a few days beforehand wondering when inspiration would hit. and just like every year, every post really, the stars aligned pretty quickly.

did I think I’d go a whole year without posting? yes and no. last year I was waiting to take the MCAT (I did great btw!), and this year I’m waiting to start my postbacc program. I’ve moved to a new city, found a new nail salon, made new friends. but even with all that change, a lot of me feels the same. I’m still doing a million things, some out of obligation, some whenever I want to, some much later than I wanted to because I overthought about them until I forgot about them. blogging has fallen into the latter two categories for a long time now.

there’s still a lot to figure out. I feel like a vessel melted down, ready to be reshaped. I vaguely remember talking to a friend about the purpose of a thing changing when its shape does, always a good time chatting with SDD. but I’ll save those thoughts for another day. right now, I’m looking forward to the push and pull of getting settled into a new season, with less expectations than I’ve had in the past. we’ll just have to wait and see how the phoenix rises from its most recent bout in the ashes.

a n y w a y, glazed donuts.

I went to the nail salon today. I get a pedicure every 2-3 appointments, but being me I had no clue what look to go for. the tech had the oh-so-popular glazed donuts look on her fingernails, and after very quickly realizing shimmery toes would make me feel like a fairy princess, I decided togo with that.

for my manicure, I came in thinking I’d get some type of navy-colored french tip art, since I just ordered a navy backpack for school. I love matching subtle details, and will probably still do it in the winter when darker colors “make more sense”. but yeah, the donut toes were cool, but did I want to be doubly “late” for the trend and get a matching manicure? again, yes and no.

it’s one thing to (think you) know how people look at you, what they feel about your presentation and mannerisms, but what do you want when the only opinion you care about is yours? I always have a few designs in mind when I get to my appointments, but I always go with whatever makes me the happiest. after going with black designs on my last set, I was ready to commit fully to the fairy princess vibes. I’m sure people will look at my nails and think they know what inspired my decision, but all credit goes to my nail tech and how cute she made my toes look.

I told my manicurist I wanted to do the same chrome look, but with a lavender base instead of pink. after she redid the base and started painting on the lavender, the girl next to me leaned over to say she liked the color. I said I did too, and told her I was actually going for the same style she’d just had taken off of her nails. we fangirled over how fun the chromatic look is, trendy or not, and she ultimately decided to go for it again with a taupe base. I left before her nails were done, but we’re gonna meet up for coffee so I’m sure I’ll see them then.

I’d already had the idea for this post by the time I talked to her. it probably first fully hit me while months’ worth of calluses were being scrubbed off off my soles. I’d gone into the salon with one vague idea that got tossed out for a clear example, which I then tweaked to fulfill the near impossible concept of originality. I thought of doing a mix of pink and lavender nails for my manicure to make it more unique, but my phone case and watch band have lavender in them so I decided to just go with a full set of my favorite color. today they’re glazed donut nails, but what were they 10 years ago? what will they be in 20?

there’s nothing new under the sun, and I love that.

though I create to express myself, there’s always a spark. a concept I want to verbalize, a look I want to execute, a melody I want to weave. we’re impacted and inspired by everything we come in contact with, but we don’t all change in the same ways, if at all. someone else may have seen my first tech’s nails and been inspired to go in the opposite direction, opting for a darker look. would it have been the first dark set in the world? no. but do we not see auras in aurora borealis? do the dewy drops we make with gel not show up in nature? is the music industry not full of samples and respectful renditions? though our reactions are individual and often come from mercurial places, they’re reactions all the same.

we’re all unique beings with different stories and different ways of perceiving the world. that affects how we communicate and express ourselves. we’re also in an age where we’re being flooded with information, to the point that you can’t always trust that your novel idea didn’t start with something you saw in passing. and, intellectual property and all its laws aside, that’s perfectly fine.

one of my favorite artists, charlotte day wilson, has a track where she ends a cappella with “that’s enough”. I usually feel the same way when I write, so I don’t always have a smooth transition out of my posts. but will I hit publish anyway? yeah.

I do hope I express myself more through blogging this year, but we’ll see. I know my thoughts have been mused over before, maybe in a different language in a different century. but I’ll think them anyway, and share them when I can. if you want something to read in the meantime, ecclesiates is a good place to start.

everything is everything and there’s nothing new under the sun, but it pleases the eyes to see it anyway.

ecc 1:9 what has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

ecc 11:8-10 light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. however many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. but let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. everything to come is meaningless. be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. so then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.