I do a lot of my writing when I should be sleeping
or working
This picture is from a few weeks ago, around 1 AM when my prayer journaling turned into Bible studying. It was a school night, but I’d had a lot to say about my feelings. I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings recently, and it’s so. weird. I just watched a TED Talk that touched on the process your brain goes through when it’s choosing how to respond to things, and it’s like mine has decided to do a very thorough investigation of every mood before I’m allowed to stick with one. Irritating, but it got me to the spot I was in that night.
So I wrote about how scattered I’d been feeling, how nervous I was about school starting. Sometimes those nerves looked like excitement; there was a lot of fluctuation honestly. I also wrote about my hesitation to invest in new endeavors, new relationships. Was I ready? Would I have time? Should I make time? If I could get hurt again, if I could fail again, was it worth it?
After bouncing these thoughts around, I got to the point. I missed God. You can write and you can sing and you can listen to sermons and do all the right things, but it can be so easy to lose sight of God in all that doing. You can forget that He’s right there, always. In that moment, since I wasn’t doing anything besides sitting in bed, I decided to study the Bible with Him. Instead of “I wonder what God’s saying here” I asked, “God, what are you saying here?”. I let down the walls that go up when people are around, my instinctual protection from being too exposed, getting too overwhelmed from all the feelings I was feeling. I let myself sit and breathe and think, in His presence.
Just to clarify, I didn’t do the “I’m just gonna flip the pages until I land on a chapter” thing, not exactly. I really like the book of Psalms, and 73 is my favorite number (it’s hard for me to pick favorite anythings, but 73 is definitely my favorite number). And I thought I remembered hearing someone reference it earlier that week, so I figured it be cool to study it for myself.
And it was.
I’ve spent many a summer attending (and then volunteering at) Vacation Bible Schools, and if you’ve ever been, you know that the songs are permanent. If I hear the intro to a song I learned during the Outrigger Island VBS (which was in 2008), the lyrics and movements come back in an instant. I think VBS songs took up the long term memory I’d want for things like physics, but I can’t complain too much, and you’ll see why.
I’d been working with the pre-schoolers at church that morning, and the random Kid’s Church Music playlist that I found brought back a classic. Here are the lyrics:
a little worried when I look around
that’s why my hope is in
my hope is in the Lord
I fix my eyes upon the God who gives
cause all I need is what I have with Him
that’s why my hope is in
my hope is in the Lord
I belong to Him
He will never let me go
My hope is in the Lord
I can count on Him
My hope is in the Lord
‘Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. ‘
The peace of mind, the incorruptible joy, the thorough satisfaction that I get from remembering that I know God and that He loves me, that I know that He loves me, despite everything, I can’t get that anywhere else. At the end of the day, I don’t want anything else. He is my safety, He is my home.
Originally, I was just going to share the picture and a link to the song, but I’ve been doing this a lot lately. One thought turns into a sermon. So that’s where the now-misleading title comes from, but I like alliteration so I’ll be leaving it the way it is. Will also be including the link to that TED Talk, which honestly sounded like a sermon, the way she talked about love, especially agape love. I’d love to talk about it, so send me a comment or text or contact me through my form or send me smoke signals, messages in secret code, whatever.
That’s all for now
be blessed bbys ✨
Vessel in the Valley 