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I do this thing where I know I want to do a Thing but then the idea of doing the Thing feels the slightest bit overwhelming so then I kinda just don’t do the Thing, unless there’s a deadline involved. Then I do the Thing at the last possible minute.

And that happens with a lot of Things.

Updating my photography Instagram. Finishing summer applications. Planning lunch dates.

Writing.

So there’s some transparency to explain the silence from me, but I’d like to start using my voice again. There are like ten different topics I want to write about, they’re just floating around my head day in and day out and new ones keep formulating so I should just *write* about them, right? Like a lot of other things, I need to just do it. This is me doing it.

Now that that’s off my chest!

Last weekend I went on a retreat with a bunch of young women from my school, huge shout out to Les Femmes de Substance. The theme was “You Can Have It All”, but when I heard that, the first thing that came to mind was “do I even want it all?”. I’ve been feeling like there’s a bit too much dip on my chip, so the thought of having any more was draining. Thankfully, the retreat was more about realizing what you already have and analyzing your definition of success – sometimes all it takes is a change of perspective to accomplish your goals.

Ashley Weatherspoon, one of our many amazing speakers, shared a lot of great points that my mind quickly ran with and tweaked until I ended up with the following trains of thought:

“They said ‘you can be anything’, and we heard ‘you have to be everything’.”

• So I don’t have to be everything. I can be anything, but for me, everything is in Christ, Colossians 3:3. Every good thing is from Christ, from God James 1:17. God is good. God is love! I could go on and on, but in that moment, this was a good reminder that I don’t need to put the world on my shoulders.

“You don’t have to do it all to have it all”

• This one was nice, because there are some things I’m not doing at all. Like I said before, the ideas will come, but it’s like I put them in a mental “later” pile. Or I look at the whole pile at once and short circuit because I can’t figure out a way to be more than I am to do more than I am. And that makes me feel like less than I am. It’s important to remember that my identity is in Christ, because my performance will never make me worthy, and I can’t work to earn the blessings He gives as gifts. So working out of fear needs to be a thing of the past.

Because I am doing a lot, which makes me feel a little less bad about the things I’m *not* doing. What’s wrong with slacking on 2 tasks when you’ve completed 8?

A lot.

I’ve said this before, but “being busy doesn’t mean you’re being productive”. New opportunities come up every day, but it can look good and not be what God has for me. So now that I’m doing too much, I have to step back so I can just do what I need to do. I’m learning to let it be that simple.

One of the most touching things Ashley, who is also a blogger, said to me is “what’s the point of being a creative if you don’t give it to the world?”. Some of what I produce is definitely meant for me, but like I keep saying, I can’t hide my light.

‘”You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. ‘

Matthew 5:14-16

I sat and analyzed a piece I’d written for the first time ever just a month ago, so I’m definitely on a journey of learning to appreciate my work. As observant as I am, I wish I was more aware of myself. With everything I’m doing, I do want to do more, but I also want to do less so that I can just be.

be blessed bbys ✨