summarized: The White Elephant | The Doorway of Lust x Dr. Matthew Stevenson (3/7)

Again, the only way out of this battle is through ultimate reliance on the Spirit of God. We need the right relationship with Him, not one built on gifts and grocery lists. Be careful with charisma. Let The Spirit convict you and utilize His full ministry.

You can’t assume that everyone’s had the same experiences. One of the problems with discipleship is that, with their own knowledge, a person can only minister to certain lives, certain histories. We need revelation on different experiences to be able to provide answers to people who’ve lived like differently than we have.

Lust has different doors. In the lives of Jesse, David, and David’s children, the doorway was rejection. We don’t all come in contact with lust in the same ways, but it’s often welcomed in a different way than it’s presented. Jesse didn’t just hide David, he rejected him because of his own sin and his own social status. Jesse was protecting his reputation. David rejected his own children, especially Tamar when he failed to protect her. Lust and rejection are strong spirits, kingdoms, that cannot be overcome without a brutal, blunt conversation with God about what’s operating in your life. That cycle of lust ended with Jesus, but Jesus’ cycle ended lust for good. Still, He was rejected. The objective of rejection is to separate you from your assignment and from your potential. Nobody can manifest their holistic potential if they’ve received rejection as a part of their identity. Whenever Jesus was confronted with rejection, He had two options: to experience it, or to receive it. We will all experience rejection, but not everyone will receive it. Think of Samuel. When Israel went to him, a prophet of God, to ask him to find them a king, he took their rejection personally. God dealt with him; Samuel’s bouts with grief were because of how God built him. Samuel felt like it was because he was doing something wrong, so he dealt with leadership rejection. God reminded Samuel Who they were really rejecting. Saul’s situation was different. He experienced rejection by ruining his father’s business, so he ran because he knew how his father felt about him ruining the family name. When he found Samuel, Samuel told him that what he was running from had been dealt with it. Samuel knew from his experience that nobody reigns when they’re rejected. He knew that he couldn’t speak to Saul about his calling until they dealt with the rejection from his father. The door of rejection has to be closed. Why?

Rejected people use their accomplishments to punish people. They use what they have, how they look, or where they’re going, as an armor to prove to the people that rejected them that they don’t need them. All rejection begins because people reject God. To disobey God is to reject Him and His Word. When you reject God, you become rejected, and when you receive it, you give it. This is why rejected people reject people. Do you push people off? If the way you cope is to go and find recluse and shut the world out, you’re just manifesting what you’ve received. Saul rejected God, so Saul was rejected from being king. Rejection manifests in different ways in different people.  Just because you’re not a needy person doesn’t mean you’re not rejected. The idea that you’re not needy could be a form of rejection. You can live with it for so long that you develop immunities. Do you feel like your body needs vitamins right now? You can’t tell. When you don’t have something for a long time,  you convince yourself you don’t need it to protect yourself from the pain of not having it. Saul loved David before he hated him. Rejection manifested in Saul through the spirit of schizophrenia. It’s a medical condition, but it’s also a spirit. Staying in lust for too long will cause you to develop multiple personalities, because you have to be certain ways to be received in certain companies. It’s not just being who you need to be; you’ve mastered being a number of people because you’ve rejected your true self. It may be tied to the spirit of rejection. When Saul hated David, he started trying to kill him. David was David and that made Saul mad, because Saul saw in David what he didn’t see in himself. Some people don’t not like you, they don’t like that you like you. You remind them of what they’re not. The worst people to see pride is the insecure, because another person’s command over their potential is threatening to them.

David received rejection from Jesse, so the cycle continued. Even at the end of Psalm 51, David was still afraid of being rejected, of having the Holy Spirit taken from him. He prayed in panic, knowing he’d done wrong. Mary’s decision cut the tie of lust to Jesus, but He still had to confront it because of in-vitro rejection, uterine rejection. You can come in the world rejected. There’s a whole team of demons whose target is the womb, to put stuff in, on, and around children before they have a fighting chance. Whatever your receive, you multiply. When a woman receives a small seed, she gives back a baby. To say, think, or even just believe things like “I hope it isn’t a girl”, “we didn’t plan for this” is dangerous, because it’s an opening for rejection to be planted and received in a child’s life. To tell a little boy who says he want to be a girl that he “ain’t no sissy, ain’t no faggot” out of fear is to give his feelings a contract to manifest under. Horrible things happen when your gatekeepers curse you.

A lot of so-called “love” is rejection; two dysfunctional people can’t fulfill each other’s needs. You’re never supposed to date to feel completed. If you’re not whole, don’t involve somebody else in your horror story-in-progress. Make sure that you’re delivered provably before you even consider dating.

The root of rage is usually rejection. Rage is typical in people who feel like they weren’t heard. They snap off if they feel like people aren’t respecting them or giving them the right to have a voice. Rejection is also the root of pride. After being convinced that you’re not _____, you’ll study what you want to be in attempt to take control of an out of control life. You’ll armor yourself with a false sense of self-reliance. It shows, even in the way you dress. If you don’t believe that people will want you, you’ll make them take your body. Some people shut down, some isolate themselves, some are extremely critical, or extremely judgmental, but all of these traits are received. They’re giving what they’ve gotten. If you are a perfectionist to the point of panic, it stems from not being given mercy your mistakes, but instead being rejected for doing something the wrong way. Now you say you’re just OCD, but the Bible says you’re rejected. The whole point of mercy is for mistakes; they will happen. It’s hard to minister to rejected people, because they struggle to receive. Affection issues aren’t natural. You shouldn’t automatically assume that there’s a motive behind someone saying they love you, wanting to hug you, wanting to go to lunch with you. If you’re taught how to treat yourself, you’ll take it and project it onto other people, which can translate to you running from genuine love and affection if you’ve never been able to receive it.

“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” 

Isaiah 53:3 KJV

“He came unto his own, and his own received him not.”

John 1:11 KJV

It was determined that Jesus would be rejected. He had to experience it so we could be delivered from it. Jesus went through rejection so that we could get the victory over it. The first people you’re supposed to be accepted by are your own, because you fall into what accepts you first. When you don’t feel wanted, lust is extremely welcoming. It’s not particular, and it speaks every language. It finds conducive soil to grow in so that it can bear fruit and get you drunk on feeling wanted, feeling celebrated. Sexual situations are key for implying acceptance through a sense of empowerment. You’re naked, bare. You’re your most vulnerable self. God ordained that sex and sexual communication be the highest form of communication between human beings. It is pure intimacy. But sex isn’t enough to save a relationship; the basics of communicating have to be perfected first. Needs, dreams, goals, pains, and fears need to be discussed. When you marry an unbeliever, your in-laws are of the devil. Whoever is in sin is of the devil. Even dating and flirting with unsaved people establishes story lines with devils. There’s no leverage for a person to change without the Holy Ghost, so don’t fall in love with potential. If they haven’t submitted to Him, leave them alone.

It’s dangerous to date rejected people, because you’re looking to be their boyfriend or girlfriend, but they’re looking for their parents. They still want what they didn’t get, so they try to receive it romantically. People that are in lust are feverishly, aggressively looking for acceptance. They want to be accepted in their bare form, without judgement, ridicule, or criticism. Men and women receive this differently during sex. As the recipient, since a woman is literally receiving a man, she’s the one that has to carry his essence, even when he leaves her. If you’re consistently with someone who doesn’t see you as being worth the commitment, they’ll continue to reject you under the guise that they’re not ready. 

When it comes to “cliques”, the only people that see them are the ones who have been rejected. Just because people don’t include you doesn’t mean that they reject you. If you didn’t say you wanted to go out, why do you get insulted when you’re not invited? Rejection gives you a lens to view situations with. Secure people won’t notice cliques. Meanwhile, rejected people form friendships and relationships in their head because they don’t have the courage to start a conversation out of fear of rejection, and when real life doesn’t follow the script they’ve come up with, that rejection is further manifested. Don’t build an expectation of someone in your head and then react when it looks like they’ve rejected you; you have to communicate.

The White Elephant is rejection, and there are different types. Here are a few:

  1. City rejection. When you show up in a city or a culture and they don’t know what you are, they tag you. “It’s not normal, it has to be of the devil .” There is a city for your calling, a conducive environment. Jesus even told the apostles, “if they accept you, bless them, if they reject you, wipe the dust off your feet and move on.
  2. Peer rejection. It normally starts in school. “You don’t look like me”, “what’s wrong with you”, etc. It’s important for parents to pray over their children because opportunities for rejection abound. The devil wants to sculpt an identity that has to be combatted.
  3. Teacher rejection. “Billy is slow”, “he doesn’t read well”. “I put him in the corner” creates a sense of “I’m punished so I can’t be a part. I manifest something wrong, so I no longer have community.”
  4. Institution rejection. What’s the point of being in a church where you can cuss, where you can have multiple girlfriends, but you can’t speak in tongues? A dysfunctional institution will reject people that are full of the Holy Ghost.

 

A hypermasculine father will end up rejecting the unathletic child he doesn’t know how to relate to. No matter who or how you are, you shouldn’t be having sex if you’re not in touch with your own feelings. It’s dysfunctional. How can you parent a child if you refuse to say the right things over their life? If you don’t know what those things are? If you can’t relate to and receive your children how they are? Dating is interviewing for marriage, and for parenting. Your daughter’s father should be able to tell her that she is more than the slut, the hoe, the bitch that the world tells her she is. Your son’s mother should be able to tell him that it’s okay to cry, to be emotional. These things have to be decreed before the devil has a chance to say otherwise. Don’t ignore this because of how you feel, because you think that someone’s providing you with what your missing parent didn’t, because you feel accepted. Make sure who you’re with is qualified to raise the next generation.

Rejection effects every generation; Millennials didn’t get here on their own. They were bred by parents that only wanted to survive, so they don’t care about that. It’s what they were rejected for. You can’t tell a baby boomer that not going to college is an option. Broken households have produced broken people. A father that sleeps around brings a spirit of rejection on the whole house, because he’s rejecting his wife and his children. A mother cannot properly parent through that kind of pain, but they’re not perfect either.  Even divorce is a form of rejection.

Lust is deceitful acceptance. The most common way to experience rejection is parental. There is a parenting ministry; mothers and fathers have different roles that have to be played out by the person that should play them. Realize that depending on your parents’ stories, they may have given you what they received, even if it’s not what you needed. They might give you all that they have and still not be providing what you need. Unforgiveness towards this will them, but it will also hurt you. Having high expectations from people who don’t have the Holy Spirit can come from a place of pride, because you have a Teacher and they don’t. Be wary of that and extend mercy.

Parents have many responsibilities. Here are four of them:

  1. Parents are supposed to grow you, to provide a conducive environment for you to grow in. God has designed parents to be the protectors of growth.
  2. Parents are supposed to guide you, to be your first source of reliable information. You’ll become curious if you have lying or secretive parents and start exploring to find what should have been presented to you. Parents that don’t speak to their children will shape them to be a certain way. If you don’t expect your earthly father to listen to you, you’ll struggle to pray to your heavenly Father. You’ve been shaped to have low to no expectations, so you won’t believe that talking to a father pays off. You’re not supposed to learn life on your own. In large families, rejection will hit the oldest child the worst. They become an assistant parent, forced to explain the actions of a struggling mom or a stressful dad to their younger siblings. They’re expected to always be responsible, to always get it right, losing the right to be mothered and fathered because they’re playing those roles. The fall into secrecy, convincing themselves that they don’t need things, that they don’t have to talk about things, because they don’t have that safe space of being someone’s child.
  3. Parents are supposed to govern you, to provide laws for you to live by, not just control. It’s an upside down triangle. As a parent, you’re supposed to be most strict when children are younger so that what you taught them can have a chance to teach them when they’re older. You can’t belatedly teach what you should’ve taught fundamentally. A child in their 20s should be being mentored, not taught.
  4. Parents are supposed to guard you. You don’t have a concept of danger when you’re born. When a person has lived their lives unprotected, they’ll gravitate to false protection. This makes them develop an immunity to being told what to do; they see it as control and manipulation, as taking away their right to choose. People respond to wisdom when they think it’s protecting them, but if you don’t know true protection, you’ll reject true wisdom.

Here is the ministry of motherhood:

  • Your mother is supposed to be your first nurturer. You have a nature that needs to be nurtured. A plant grows wild when it’s not natured and attended to, because there’s room for perversion to come mess things up. Hard, thug life, “fight you in the streets”, non-affirming, non-affirming, mothers, they’re not strong women; they’re bound women. They’re not supposed to have to try and think like men. And you don’t learn men to know how to steer them, that’s a perverse, manipulative form of love. Mothers are supposed to applaud, to hug, to cheer. Children shouldn’t be left to be nurtured by cartoons and TV.
  • Your mother is supposed to be your first counselor. They’re supposed to hear what’s on your heart, not judgmentally, not critically. If they feel like their children are implying that they weren’t there to protect them, they can get defensive, running back to “I did the best I could” and assuming that they know your story. They’ll judge your experience before they know it, stopping you from sharing more.  Not having a counselor will push you to keep things in. It’s especially dangerous when women feel bad for crying, because they’re given a deep capacity to do; they’re ordained to do so. “You have everything you need, you have a roof over your head, there’s nothing wrong with you!” Phrases like this come from judgements about experiences before they’re understood.
  • Your mother is supposed to be your first source of acceptance. Mothers that have to learn the father role have to overcompensate for what they thing you’re missing. They try to counsel and correct, to nurture and provide.
  • Your mother is supposed to be your first example of intimacy. It’s safe to cry, it’s safe to hurt. Training a boy not to feel will release a robot that can do things and not experience the consequences.
  • Your mother is supposed to be your first confidant. They’re the first holder of secrets, so if you have a mom that gossips about you to your family members, it can lead you to distrust women.
  • Your mother is supposed to be your first example of help. They cook, they clean, they wash, they help in the home. If a mother is fulfilling her ministry, her children won’t mind being helped.
  • Your mother is supposed to be your first example of understanding. You don’t have to agree with someone because you understand them. We all need understanding, we don’t all need agreement.

Here is the ministry of fatherhood:

  • Your father is supposed to be your first example of identity. You inherit his name. If he’s there and he doesn’t care, or he’s not there at all, who will tell you who you are? Fathers are supposed to tell their children who they are.
  • Your father is supposed to be your first example of provision. A roof over a child’s head isn’t enough, they have emotional needs as well. A paid electricity bill won’t listen to a child’s problems. If a man has a hard time providing in certain areas, he may not have had an example of regular provision in them.
  • Your father is supposed to be your first source of permission. They’re supposed to say who you can and cannot be. Rebellion is a father issue. Perversion is also a father issue. You can’t nurture a person out of perversion.
  • Your father is supposed to protect you. There is a war in the world around you, and your father is supposed to protect you from it.
  • Your father is supposed to teach you your principles for life. The mother is supposed to expound on the foundation of the father. She’ll water the seeds the father plants. If father doesn’t follow God, the mother will have to build as well as nurture.
  • Your father is supposed to provide your pace. They’ll be the first person to say “not yet”. Do you panic?  Are you anxious? Nervous about the future? Father wounds. Fathers are supposed to pace you through provision; “you are here”, “this is what you have”.
  • Your father is supposed to push you. If your mother is a teacher, your father is a coach. They’re supposed to highlight angles of yourself that you don’t see, that you don’t believe in. If your father pushes you out of what you could be, what you should be, the devil is using your gatekeeper to hurt you.
  • Your father is supposed to correct you. They’re supposed to keep you out of danger. They’re supposed to guide your destiny. Jesus only did what He saw His Father do. A child abandoned by their father is a child lost.

These roles are. Confusing a gendered ministry will destroy the family.

Don’t lose your talent in exchange for acceptance, leaving yourself underdeveloped as a person. “Look mommy, I’m a preacher!””Look daddy, I can play the organ!” Rejection pushes people towards things that bring them praise. God will highlight and reveal rejection in your life. If you have rejection, God can send resources to you that you won’t recognize.When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the LORD will take care of me.” Timothy’s rejection from his Gentile father was tended to by Paul’s consistent voice in his life. Before you can forgive the person, you have to forgive the role. You can’t personalize it. See a role for what it should be, forgive the way that it is, then find mercy for the person who should be filling it. God doesn’t want rejection to become a part of your identity, so He’s promised to never let you go.

Author: Iyaniwura Olarewaju

† | naija | nj | Cornell

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s