freedom

on to the next

the next page

the next stage

it’s like having your hair in braids for months,

it’s constrained but protected, and you can feel the new growth coming in

those lil baby curls

you play with them when you’re stressed, 

daydreaming about how big your fro will be when you can finally free yourself from those chains

braids

sometimes you need help to get through them all, sometimes you have to cut them short before you start

sometimes, sometimes, everything’s so conditional

but freedom is delicious

a process, but delightful

the braids come out, but there’s still the gunk that built up at the roots

the chains come off, but there’s still the dents that dug in at your wrists

you need clarity

look at reality

look at it, really

the gunk

the dents

this is where you were before you were free

(completely unrelated, but I am so happy)

(I never write happy poems)

don’t let it scare you

you’re free now

so clarify, wash the gunk out of your roots

massage your wrists, smooth the dents out

then play with your curls

yes, use your hands

your freedom

you’re at the next stage

on the next page

on to the next

4.1.19

Continue reading “freedom”

the best of YED: vol. II, before you start

Aaand we’re back!

“We” being me.

And the Holy Spirit.

Anyway, here’s Volume II! How’d you like the first installment of my YED Series? That volume focused more on relationships, so now that we’ve laid out the backgroundwork, I’ll be talking about getting started. This volume is packed with questions because I’ve learned that it’s really important to be introspective before yelling, “we move!”

(Like, where are we moving to pls? :-/)

These are all points that I saw coming in handy for the pre-beginners. Whether you’re thinking of starting a business, your next semester, a new diet, a new book… whatever it is, just take the advice you need.

Again, I’ll have the points I actually took from the Summit big and bold; everything else will be thoughts from yours truly. Let’s get right into it! Continue reading “the best of YED: vol. II, before you start”

toni morrison

my heart has been saying goodbye

it’s not used to things staying, so it’s been saying goodbye

 

the things that did stay weren’t good, and they didn’t say bye

so that’s what my heart got used to

 

it was learning to say hello

to shaking hands

to keeping in touch

to being touched

and then the good said goodbye, again

and my heart cried and it said, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

“this is loss”

 

 

my heart is so used to saying goodbye, to the weight that moves in when you lose what you love

I can feel it, heavy in my chest

an ice that burns

 

so I’ve been learning to say goodbye

in a way that feels warm

a way that melts the ice

 

when you say goodbye to the sun, you say hello to the moon

and the stars

 

and then you say goodbye to those to say hello to the dawn

she brings her dew, and her birds sing

they cry out

and I wake up and I say, “this is familiar”

“this is what I know”

 

the fear of goodbye won’t keep me from saying hello

the good will say bye

the bad will say hello

everything will come, and everything will go

 

I can mourn in the morning

I can dance in the dusk

 

there’s a time for it all

I guess my heart just got used to saying goodbye

 

 

the best of YED: vol. I, relationships

“I have about 10 pages of inspirational chicken scratch, maybe I’ll pick my favorite points and expand on them. an advice column. yeah, that would be live.”

Turns out it was 12 pages.

I don’t know if this counts as an advice column (not sure if I’ve ever read one tbh), but more reflections started as 2 pages and turned into almost 2,000 words. To avoid turning my YED notes into a dissertation, I made a game plan.

tenor

If I stick to it, there will be four volumes. Each one is focused on a specific topic, but they’ll flow into each other (think of more reflections as the intro to all of this):

I. relationships

II. before you start

III. guidance

IV. as you’re going

The main points from the Summit are underlined, bolded, and numbered. They’re also bigger. If you just want some takeaway points from YED, there you go. But for everything else, assume I took the messages and ran with them.

I’ve been doing this long enough for y’all to know what to expect, but I hope you’re ready for a lot of intricate analogies and Bible verses!

Continue reading “the best of YED: vol. I, relationships”

marmalade jars

the slightest tint makes everything warmer

the slightest glint makes everything warmer

to see true joy, pure joy in someone’s your smile

it covers the room, makes everything golden

perfect

pure joy, perfect joy, oh how I’ve missed you

it’s been so long, I feel kinda shy around you now

I’ve grown a bit, so I’m adjusting still

I’m learning, still

learning what you look like

what I look like

what we look like

we go together, you and me

I’m supposed to be this happy

it may feel foreign, but I need to

know that I know you

true joy, perfect joy

you’ve made everything warmer

it’s like how the sun shines in the

winter, but you can’t feel its warmth

it’s spring now, I can feel it

feel the strain in my cheeks as

I look around in awe, with glee

everything’s golden, just how I’ve wanted to be

you make the little things so fascinating, Joy

so satisfying

actually, more gratifying

I’m already satisfied

even when it doesn’t feel like spring, everything’s still golden

the Son still shines in the winter

I’m learning, still

what we look like

because with you, everything’s

just slightly warmer

 

4.1.19